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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26072710">Odd Girl Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlerdoodler/pseuds/noodlerdoodler'>noodlerdoodler</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hargreeves Appreciation Week [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Vanya Hargreeves, Canon Autistic Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Fluff without Plot, Headcanon Accepted, Lesbian Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Vanya Hargreeves-centric, Young Vanya Hargreeves, no memory loss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:54:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,199</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26072710</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlerdoodler/pseuds/noodlerdoodler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For a moment, Vanya paused and went back over everything in her head: how her mutism as a child had driven her father to shouting, how hard it was for her to understand what anyone was thinking or feeling, how her powers exploded out of her if she got overwhelmed, and how she instantly understood what was going through Harlan’s mind, in a way nobody else could. </p><p>Vanya remembered how she had stood and watched her siblings talk, play, and joke with no idea how to join in. No idea how to be part of their tight-knit group, wondering where they'd all picked up the unspoken rules. Usually, she just echoed one of her siblings or kept quiet. </p><p>She couldn’t meet Sissy’s eyes as she spoke, afraid of how she would react, “Would you believe me if I told you… I think I’m more like Harlan than I am like you?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harlan Cooper &amp; Vanya Hargreeves, Sissy Cooper &amp; Vanya Hargreeves, Sissy Cooper/Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves &amp; Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hargreeves Appreciation Week [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1884436</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The umbrella academy</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Odd Girl Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This marks the conclusion of Hargreeves Appreciation Week!! Thanks so much for reading!!</p><p>I'm literally an autistic lesbian so my portrayal is based on my own experiences.</p><p>I do truly believe Vanya is coded as autistic, whether the writers intended it or not. Please don't be rude about it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Sissy came back into the room, having tucked her son safely into bed, Vanya was waiting on the couch for her. Her posture was sharp, her back straight, and her right foot tapping against the ground nervously. She’d been thinking a lot since she’d arrived here in 1963, especially since she’d met Harlan, and she desperately needed to talk to someone about it. </p><p>Someone who’d understand. She was pretty sure that Sissy would be that someone.</p><p>“You alright, hun?” The slight frown looked out of place on Sissy’s pretty face, as she sunk onto the couch beside Vanya. They were closer than was strictly necessary for two friends, their knees touching, but it would be easy enough to jump apart if Carl came home early.</p><p>If he came home at all. He often stayed out all night at bars and clubs; it was obvious that he was being disloyal to Sissy and that she knew about it to boot. However, when he came home, all four of them would resume playing happy families together. Snap back into their roles. </p><p>Vanya tilted her head slightly to one side, thinking, “Something on my mind, that’s all.”</p><p>“You aren’t thinking about leavin’? I know that Carl can be-“</p><p>“No, no, nothing like that,” Vanya assured her quickly, “I just- have you ever felt like you might be… different to other girls?”</p><p>This was a stupid question to ask of a woman engaged in a lesbian affair in 1963, Vanya realised immediately. Of course, Sissy felt different. She knew this already. She’d grown up in a strictly Christian household, rushed into a marriage with a man she barely knew, and was now (almost) singlehandedly raising a disabled son. Here on the farm, despite their appearances, the four of them veered dramatically away from the picture of a conventional nuclear family.</p><p>As predicted, Sissy’s face relaxed and she smiled at her, “Of course, doll. I told you about when I was a teenager and I kissed the preacher’s daughter at church camp-“</p><p>“- behind the chapel,” Vanya finished with a smile. </p><p>They exchanged looks and a hand gently traced its way from Vanya’s brow to her chin, tucking a loose strand of dark hair behind her ear. Although it had only been a month since she’d arrived in Dallas, Vanya already knew Sissy better than she knew all six of her siblings put together. Things were easy and simple. She didn’t have to work for them like she did with Leonard.</p><p>If she’d have to compare their relationship to something, it would be a warm bubble bath. At first, they’d only dipped their toes in, nervous that the water might be too hot to soak in. Quickly, as soon as they were sure of what they were doing, they had relaxed into the warm water. It felt comforting to be surrounded by warmth all the time, instead of the coldness that Vanya had come to expect from the people she loved. Finally, she thought she could understand the long hours Klaus had spent in the bathtub at home. </p><p>She took Sissy’s hand.</p><p>“I think, uh, I think I’m not like other girls,” Vanya said, hesitantly. </p><p>“Oh, honey,” Sissy took her other hand and shifted closer on the couch, so that it was harder to tell where one of them ended and the other one started, “You’re nothing like anybody I’ve ever met. And I adore you for it.” </p><p>“That’s not exactly what I mean,” She sighed, pressing their foreheads together, “It’s not about us. It’s just about me. Who I am.”</p><p>For a moment, Vanya paused and went back over everything in her head: how her mutism as a child had driven her father to shouting, how hard it was for her to understand what anyone was thinking or feeling, how her powers exploded out of her if she got overwhelmed, and how she instantly understood what was going through Harlan’s mind, in a way nobody else could. </p><p>Vanya remembered how she had stood and watched her siblings talk, play, and joke with no idea how to join in. No idea how to be part of their tight-knit group, wondering where they'd all picked up the unspoken rules. Usually, she just echoed one of her siblings or kept quiet. </p><p>She couldn’t meet Sissy’s eyes as she spoke, afraid of how she would react, “Would you believe me if I told you… I think I’m more like Harlan than I am like you?”</p><p>“Harlan?” There was surprise in Sissy’s voice as she pulled back, “I suppose you are the two quietest people I know,” She chuckled, “Can you explain a little more, hun?”</p><p>“His mind just seems to work like mine,” Vanya’s words stumbled over in each other in their rush to escape, “I understand what’s going his head, more than I do with anyone else. And when I look at him, I see so much of what I was like as a little girl.” </p><p>It all came spilling out then, though a more restricted version to allow for the fact that Sissy didn’t know about time travel, powers, or the Umbrella Academy. </p><p>Something had snapped into place when Vanya had seen Harlan resist eating mashed potatoes and asked Sissy what the problem was, (“oh, he’s just fussy. Hates soft foods”). She remembered being a little girl, no older than four, and refusing to eat anything soft or gooey. When a nanny tried to force her to eat her oatmeal, Vanya would freak out, imagining the sticky texture of the breakfast food on the roof of her mouth. She’d taken out more than one nanny in panic. </p><p>Like Harlan, she had an aversion to plenty of foods. Not because of their taste but because of their texture. And sure, she supposed that on its own could be explained away: plenty of people, especially children, are very picky eaters. </p><p>“It’s not just that,” Vanya continued, her voice trembling from effort, “I… I was just like Harlan when I was little. I didn’t speak at all for years. My father… he thought I was just being disobedient. He punished me for it.”</p><p>Sissy clucked indignantly, stroking her lover’s face gently, “He had no right.” </p><p>“I was always being punished for… Temper tantrums,” Vanya amended, realising that <em>‘I have superpowers’</em> might be a little too much to drop into conversation right now. </p><p>Except she wasn’t sure now that they were about her temper in the slightest- that was just what her father had assumed and jotted down in his journal. No, Vanya remembered how unpleasant those days had been and it definitely wasn’t a choice. It was when too much was going on around her, (too much noise was the worst), like her siblings racing around and yelling without a care in the world, and her brain just seemed to shut down. She went somewhere inside her mind.</p><p>Everything shut down around her and suddenly, Vanya would just lose it. It would all become too much for her to deal with and in the end, she’d just explode. Glasses, windows, and her father’s monocle would all shatter as if the house had been rocked by an earthquake.</p><p>When she’d arrived on the farm, she’d seen what it must’ve looked like from the outside. Harlan had been crying out, flailing as if he was trying to escape, and seemed to be unaware of anything around him. Hours had passed before Sissy had been able to help him relax again.</p><p>“Meltdown. They happen when he gets overwhelmed by it all,” She’d explained to Vanya later. </p><p><em>Meltdowns</em>. That was one word for what Vanya experienced. That was one of way of explaining how she had slashed Allison’s throat in a fit of panic and had regretted it ever since. In the same way, Harlan never intended to hurt his mother like he accidentally did when he smacked her hard by accident. Meltdowns were beyond control. </p><p>Now, Sissy lowered her voice and looked apologetic, “I had no idea, Vanny.” </p><p>“Mr Pickles,” She continued, breathless now, “My violin was the same for me. I always had it with me, loved the feeling of holding it under my chin with the bow in the other hand. Playing it always calmed me down,” Until a month ago, when it hadn’t, “People-“</p><p>Considering this, the blonde woman said, “You struggle with feelings. I noticed it right away, when you thought I’d be angry for hitting you with my car.”</p><p>They both laughed. </p><p>"I never got along with any of my siblings either," Vanya confessed, hands curling into fists on her lap. Releasing them relieved some of the tension that was building in her and she exhaled slowly, trying to relax her muscles. </p><p>She could remember how her entire life had seemed like a big prank. This was something she'd theorised growing up, that nothing in her life was real and that it was just some joke, broadcast on TV like in that movie. <em>The Truman Show</em>, (which wouldn't be made for another thirty five years by her calculations). Vanya was sure that everyone else, all her siblings, had gotten a rulebook about what to do, what to say, and how to act. They all knew what was appropriate for any given moment. On the other hand, Vanya could never work out the right thing to do.</p><p>Too often, she would do something wrong without even realising what it was. And her siblings would shun her, embarrassed. </p><p>Vanya looked away, "I couldn't understand how they ticked. How they thought. But Harlan, I understand him. We understand each other." </p><p>“But honey-“ Sissy spoke gently, the same way she spoke to Harlan, “I don’t think girls can get what Harlan has. The doctor told us that- I was worried about whether I’d passed it onto him.”</p><p>Instantly, Vanya was prepared to leap on her statement and tell her that 1960s doctors were full of it. Trying to cure people like Harlan, people like her, people like Sissy for all kinds of reasons. If a doctor saw them touching each other softly like this, they’d probably fry their brains in a fruitless attempt to ‘cure’ their ‘hysteria’. But, of course, Vanya couldn’t say any of that. She couldn’t tell Sissy that in the 21st century, it was well known that women were just as likely to be autistic as men… If that’s what it was Vanya was. She couldn’t say for sure, yet. </p><p>And a doctor probably wouldn't be prepared to investigate the possibility for at least another forty years. </p><p>Instead of exposing herself as a time traveller, Vanya decided to pick up on the other error. </p><p>“I don’t think it’s something to worry about. It’s not a bad thing,” She paused for a moment, glancing down at where her hand was resting on Sissy’s thigh now, “Different isn’t bad.”</p><p>“Certainly not,” Sissy agreed, leaning in to kiss her gently on the forehead, “Whether you’re like Harlan or like me or, god forbid, like Carl, I’ll love you anyway. But I promise, if there’s anythin’ you need me to do to help, I can do it. Lord knows I’m used to helpin’.”</p><p>Vanya looked up, meeting her eyes, “Do you think I’m a total freak?”</p><p>“God, no!” Sissy giggled at the idea behind her hand, “I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. And I think it makes a certain kind of sense,” She paused, “Maybe when we find your family, you can talk to ‘em about it. They’re real progressive up there in the North.”</p><p>Right, that was where Vanya had told her that her family was. It had been easy enough to make up a lie about running away, trying to make a new life away from home, which wasn’t entirely false. She did want to make a new life for herself here. With Sissy and Harlan.</p><p>She couldn't imagine what her family would say, if Vanya suddenly returned to them and announced that she thought she was autistic. Or ADHD, (<em>didn't Diego have ADHD? The two of them weren't very alike though</em>), or something like that. How she'd harboured a niggling suspicion all her life that she wasn't like them, not just because of her powers, and she thought she'd finally nailed down what it might be. Sadly, she couldn't imagine any of her family being particularly interested in hearing it.</p><p>Especially when the last time she'd seen them, Vanya had suspended her family members in mid-air and attempted to suck the life out of them. They wouldn't want to hear any of this, too on their guard. But Sissy wanted to hear everything she wanted to say and, best of all, she took her seriously. Nobody had ever taken Vanya seriously before. </p><p>The warmth had turned quickly into fire, burning through her veins. Her heart throbbed with love. </p><p>Slowly, Vanya slid her hand up her lover’s thigh and under her dress, “You don’t think we’re real progressive down here in the South?”</p><p>“Vanya, I think you’re revolutionary by Dallas standards,” Sissy giggled, pretending to slap away but leaning into her touch. </p><p>Her lips were so soft and sweet, almost like the taste of strawberries.</p>
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